Figures Don't Lie

: Doctor Jones' Picnic

The North Pole! That spot upon earth so environed with trackless fields

of unbroken snow and mountains of ice; with an atmosphere so cold that

none but the bravest and hardiest of mankind can breathe it and live.

And yet these apparently insuperable obstacles have but stimulated men

to do and dare all things, so that they might but reach that ultima

thule. In vain have our utilitarians cried, "Qui bono?" God has planted

within man the spirit of lordship and domination; and, true to that

spirit, he will never rest until Nature shall have yielded up to him her

last secret, and his restless foot shall have trodden the wildest and

farthest spot of earth. Then, and not till then, will he stand crowned

"Lord of Creation."



In this faithful history of the discovery and exact location of the

North Pole, it is not necessary to bring before the reader in historical

review the many illustrious names and grand heroisms of former explorers

of Arctic regions. They did marvelous deeds, beyond the comprehension of

those who did not actually participate in them. They sacrificed

thousands of noble lives, and undoubtedly did all that could be done

with the means at their command. Ah! there we have struck the keynote.

The means at their command were inadequate, and nothing but failure and

disaster could result from their best laid plans and efforts.



Dr. Jonathan Jones sat in his office in the populous, thriving city of

R----, situated in one of our western states. He occupied an easy chair,

heels upon a low, flat-topped writing desk, newspaper in hand, reading

an account of the failure of Dr. Nansen to reach the North Pole. That

renowned and hardy explorer proposed reaching the spot by floating on an

ice floe. We are all familiar with the fact that he did actually get to

within about three hundred miles of the coveted spot, but was obliged to

turn back for want of dogs and sledges.



Dr. Jones laid the paper down with a groan. "Will they never learn?" he

apostrophizingly cried to a bust of Hahnemann that rested upon a bracket

in a corner of the room. "They can never get there on any such lines. I

believe it to be a perfectly feasible scheme, if worked out on simple

scientific principles. If I had capital, I would try it."



He sat with the points of his extended fingers touching each its mate of

the opposite hand, and mused for several moments. Suddenly he seized a

pencil, and rapidly jotted down figures, lines, and characters that

meant nothing to any mortal but himself.



"Figures don't lie!" he shouted to aforesaid bust. "That depends,

Doctor, on whether they are legitimately used or not. Sometimes they are

made to represent the vilest untruth," said a voice behind him. The

Doctor wheeled about and encountered the genial countenance of Mr. A.L.

Denison.



"Hullo! Denison. Just the man I wanted to see. Sit down."



"What's up now, Doctor? Anyone hurt or seriously sick?" inquired

Denison, as he occupied a chair.



For answer the Doctor read aloud the account of Dr. Nansen's failure to

reach the North Pole, and then said: "I do not wonder that he failed. No

one will succeed upon any such lines or plans."



"Well, Doctor, you don't suppose that anyone will ever get there and

back alive, do you?"



"Whether they will or not, I do not know; but that it is a perfectly

feasible and rational undertaking, under proper conditions, I as firmly

believe as I do that I am alive," and he brought his fist down upon the

desk by way of emphasis with a whack that made the various loose

articles in the little office rattle. Even the bust upon the bracket

moved about uneasily, whether by way of approbation or not, this

truthful chronicle ventures no opinion. Denison looked at the flushed

face and glittering eyes of the Doctor, moved uneasily in his chair,



and said: "What's up, Doctor? I never knew you to drink. Getting off?"

tapping his os frontis with his forefinger significantly.



"Denison," replied the Doctor, unheeding the innuendoes of his friend,

"I tell you that I have a plan for going to, and returning from, the

North Pole with perfect safety, absolute certainty, and a degree of

comfort that will reduce the whole expedition to the level of a glorious

picnic." Denison indulged in a long, low whistle.



"Draw it a little milder, Doctor. Go to and return from the North Pole

with perfect safety, certainty, comfort, and pleasure! What do you mean?

I never heard of anything so preposterous in my life!"



"Hitch up to the desk here, and I will soon tell you what I mean," cried

the Doctor. Denison complied, and the Doctor, seizing a pencil, drew

upon a leaf of the scratch book, with a few vigorous strokes, a sketch

of a globe, thus:






"There," said he, as he gave a few finishing touches. "There you have

the idea."



"Well, go on."



"This sketch represents a mammoth globe of aluminum, two hundred feet in

diameter, as you will notice.



"I see," assented Denison.



"We have, then, a great hollow globe, consisting, as I said before, of

aluminum. I have chosen that material for two obvious reasons; lightness

and strength. The globe is simply to be floated by heating the

atmosphere within it."



"What will you heat it with, and how long do you suppose it will be

before your globe returns to the earth?" asked Denison.



"Your questions are quite practical, and I am ready to answer them.

There are to be three skins or coverings to our globe, with a foot of

space (or air blanket, if you please) between them. This affords us two

air chambers that materially prevent the radiation of heat. Once heated,

a very little fuel will keep the interior of our great air-ship at the

desired temperature. You see, at the inferior or lower part of the ship,

a square apartment attached, plentifully supplied with windows. That

represents the living and store rooms. The living rooms are to be

comfortably furnished, and no reason can be alleged why we should not

enjoy in them absolute comfort. In our store-rooms, we will carry one

year's supply of food. And in tanks of sufficient size, petroleum (or

whatever combustible we conclude to be most suitable) for heating and

cooking purposes. See?"



"I see," said Denison.



"You will observe that so conservative of heat is this arrangement that

every particle of caloric created in the living rooms, or cabin below,

helps by that much to float the great globe. All the warmth from cooking

and heating; the heat and smoke from our pipes and cigars; yea, even the

animal heat which radiates from our bodies, all subserve the one great

purpose and function--keeping up the temperature and buoyant effort of

the globe. Do you begin to catch on?" fairly shouted the enthusiastic

Doctor.



"Well, it looks very well so far," returned Denison slowly. "But, my

dear sir, I foresee one difficulty that in your enthusiasm you seem to

have overlooked. You can never guide or steer this immense ship. It must

go with the wind, and you are just as likely to go to the South Pole as

to the North, and very unlikely to go to either. You must excuse me,

but this last is certainly an insuperable obstacle to your making

anything practicable of your idea."



"I admit at once that this great body could not be steered, nor in any

degree guided by any apparatus that we could devise," assented the

Doctor. "But that we should be obliged to float aimlessly, hither and

thither, altogether the creatures of chance, I do not for a moment

admit. The equator, receiving as it does, the vertical rays of the sun,

is by far the hottest portion of the earth. The atmosphere at that

quarter, being constantly superheated and correspondingly rarified,

ascends into the vault above. This creates a semi-vacuum below, and the

cooler atmospheres north and south of the equator rush in and fill the

aforesaid vacuum. Pouring in from opposite directions with an impetus

that often amounts to hurricanes, they boil up as they meet, miles into

the firmament above. They then set off in two strong currents toward

either Pole. What is the natural inference? The navigators of our

air-ship have the power to raise and lower at pleasure. Obviously, there

is but one thing for sensible men to do: Let her rise until we strike a

northerly current, if necessary, and remain in it so long as it is

favorable; when it changes, rise or lower until another favorable

current is found, etc. Do you happen to think of any more 'insuperable'

obstacles, my dear sir?"



"Well, I must say that while I am not convinced of the practicability of

your scheme, still you meet my objections in a way that is quite

surprising, and which shows that you have given the matter much thought;

yet I am not sure that you will not run upon difficulties that will make

it altogether impossible. For instance, there is the cost of so vast an

undertaking. It would cost hundreds of thousands, at the least

calculation."



"Now, Denison, you have struck the only real difficulty that I can think

of. I really have no idea of who will furnish the money. I had not

thought even of asking anyone to do so."



Patients came in at this juncture, and Denison took his departure. A few

days later, however, he returned, and when the Doctor was at leisure,

opened the conversation by asking if anything had developed with regard

to the air-ship building.



"O, ho!" cried Dr. Jones, "you are getting into my way of thinking on

that subject, are you?"



"Well, to tell you the truth, I have thought of it considerably since I

saw you. I would like, at least, to see it tried."



"There is but one way to do: If you get interested sufficiently to wish

to take hold, we will see if we cannot stir up our friends and form a

stock company. Or, failing in that, we might have a working model built,

and I think we could induce the Government to take hold of the matter."



Denison called frequently during the following month, and it was evident

that he was fast becoming imbued with the Doctor's ideas and

enthusiasm.



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